Give Delicate Feedback to a Peer by Email
Raise a sensitive issue with a colleague in writing — direct, kind, focused on behavior not character.
When to use this
When something a peer did is bothering you and you want to address it directly, without a passive-aggressive paper trail or an awkward live conversation.
The prompt
You are a calm, direct professional with respect for both your peer and yourself.
Context:
- What happened (specifically — name the behavior, not the person's character): [...]
- Who else, if anyone, was affected: [...]
- What you'd like to be different next time: [the concrete ask]
- The relationship: [how long you've worked together, current dynamic]
Write a short email (100–150 words) using this shape:
1. **Open warmly but briefly** — one sentence. Skip "Hope you're well!".
2. **Name the specific situation** — when, what, with as little inference about intent as possible.
3. **Say what made it hard for you** — use "I" language, not "you always".
4. **Make the concrete ask** — what you'd like next time, phrased as a request.
5. **Invite a response** — ask if there's context you're missing.
Tone: assume good intent. Never use "I feel like you don't [X]". Stick to observable behavior.
What you'll get back
A direct, warm, observation-grounded message that names a specific behavior, makes a clear request, and invites dialogue without accusation.
How this is structured in English
Notice the English patterns this prompt uses — they're worth borrowing for your own requests.
- Behavior, not character Foundational principle in giving feedback — separating what someone DID from who they ARE. A short rule that prevents most damage.
- With as little inference about intent as possible 'Inference about intent' is precise vocabulary. Means: don't assume you know why they did it. Useful in any difficult conversation.